A colleague told me that your major line of research is known as the “Deep Well”, so called because it can sustain you for your whole career if you just keep digging. I heard that phrase echoed by my colleagues during my first year. What’s your Deep Well? they would ask. You have to figure out your Deep Well. That’s all fine and dandy to say, but as a freshman academic I have little more than a trowel and a dowsing rod. I have since applied myself to a broad range of… Puddles… but they failed to arouse the passion needed for further study.
I think what I am looking for is a Deeper Well, one that can not only sustain me but also contribute to a better world. And once I realized that, then it was pretty easy to figure out where to look. Over the last few years I’ve read a number of books that, put simply, propose that all real change happens first on the inside before we see that change in the world. If we want a world that is open and accepting of all people, we won’t achieve that by making it illegal to speak hatefully or wear bigotted sayings on our t-shirts. Instead, we can enact meaningful change by helping others to be more open and accepting. This kind of work takes time. It cannot be forced on one another and it cannot be sprinkled with Miracle Gro for instant results.
Research that is brought from the Deeper Well, then, may not be the work of one summer and one brief paper. I find myself a little intimidated at the thought; perhaps I’m not a good enough academic for such a proposal. I find myself wasting my hours away at the computer today instead of writing what I should be writing… maybe I’m just a little scared. Or maybe I’m lazy; maybe I just don’t want to put in the time it will take. It hurts my head to try to picture myself after retirement, wondering if I will be satisfied with my career or if I’ll be a collosal failure.
What am I saying, anyway? Who can live life based on the ripples it will create forty years in the future? In a little change purse in the back of my old rolltop desk there is a fortune that reads “you will continue to take chances and be glad you did”. I like to think that this fortune cookie may have been a little right. So, consequences be damned, here I go. Deep breath. Deeper well.